Mane and tail free of dandruff? Check. Saddle pad stunningly white? Check. Boots shining from across the showgrounds? Of course.

Through ratings, training and competition, the U.S. Pony Clubs carefully and methodically trained me to do their bidding. My horse will eat from a properly sterilized bucket, with the double-ended snap turned inward lest he rip an eyelid, and his sheath will pass ye olde glove test as he stands in non-edible, non-irritating bedding.

So why do the (arguably) more important things in life come with no instructions?