If you are a trainer of Humans in this day and age, you’ve probably noticed that they are unusually obsessed with their Dumb Phones, and equally obsessed with taking photos of everything from their alarming makeup jobs to their fattening brunches/gravyfests.

Unfortunately for Quadrupeds, this probably means they fancy themselves photographers, and that they will almost certainly try to capture our likeness in pixels. Consider this a teaching experience that will not only make the biped a better photographer, but a better Human.

The day my Human bounded into the barn aisle with a glittery thing on her left hand (which turned out not to be a peppermint fragment, as it happened…oops) probably delivered the largest surprise of my week. I will never quite understand how I managed her through that relationship successfully, yet still can’t get her to boost my hay ration to a first-world level.

No matter what the groundhog says, warmer temperatures and springtime rains find their way to my pasture eventually. (Actually, I really resent groundhogs and their sense of superiority. I tend to chase them out of my field. Arrogance is so ugly.)

With spring rain comes one of my favorite features of the outdoors: mud.

Humans despise mud, but as with many things, I think they just fail to completely grasp the concept.

As a draft cross, I am likely the only horse in my barn who doesn’t mind a few single-digit days now and then (although I’d be much more in the winter spirit if my Human could figure out how to ration hay better—it’s THIRTEEN flakes in my field please, not THREE). I gather however, that my Human doesn’t feel the same way about it.

Dear Santa Hoss, 

By now you are used to hearing from me each year, upon the advice of my legal counsel, just before you make your final "naughty and nice" list.

Judging by my feed bucket on Christmas morning, I think we have come to an understanding about how angelic I really am. However, I thought it my obligation as her trainer to write to you this year with suggested edits to my Human’s Christmas wish list.